It is so easy to hide the truth about T1D from the world, I do it quite a lot and not because I am ashamed of the disease (because I’m not), but because I feel that every time I have a low or my blood sugar goes a little high and I need to take time out to sort them out, I am inconveniencing my people around me.
Today whilst my wife and I were busy rushing around Bunnings collecting all the required items to do a reno on our ugly front garden, I stopped for a second and realised that I had lost concentration, my vision was a bit fuzzy and I had that tingling feeling all over, yup you guessed it I was going low! I looked over at the cafe in the corner of the store and imagined my self indulging in a coffee and something sweet to eat to bring the low blood sugar adrenaline rush back to a manageable level, instead I soldiered on semi delirious so we could get home and get the garden sorted before it was time to pick the kids up for school.
Before too long my trust dexom alarmed telling me I was low (no shit) at which point my wife realised and then started worrying and asked if I needed sugar, again not wanting to inconvenience her I told her I was okay, I waiting 15 minutes till we got home to sort it out, stupid I know!
On the subject of keeping things to yourself, I love computers and doing spreadsheets and graphs and all sorts of numbers in graphic form, but family and friends already knew that…what people don’t know is when I had specialist and educator appointments I would record all my blood sugar readings in a fancy spreadsheet, print them off and take them with me to the appointments as this was a great way to represent my blood sugar trends over weeks at a time.
During the days leading up to the appointments before I had printed them out, I would go through and take out a few of the lows and really bad highs, not all of them but a few here and there to make the results look not so bad (well in my eyes they looked bad), I didn’t want to go to an appointment and show bad results! What would people think of me? They would think I couldn’t control this disease and that I needed more help (more inconvenience in my mind!).
Well you know what, that was a daft thing to do, specialists and educators are there to help you eliminate these things, I used to aim for such tight control that my levels would go in ridiculous ping pong matches and it wasn’t until I witnessed a CGM graph of a ‘normal’ (if that actually exists) persons blood sugars that I realised, hey mine aren’t that bad.
I probably will continue this way for the rest of my Diabetic life (not long till we are all cured and its fairies and rainbows for all!!!!), I will just soldier on and keep my inconvenience to myself, however I do realise that its best to show the truth to medical professionals as there are here to help.